Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
