I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
