I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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