After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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