there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
