i love accidental penises.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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