College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize