I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize