I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
