so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
