I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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