Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
