I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
