Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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