My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize