I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
