As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When are your genitals available?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
