ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
