shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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