I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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