mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
