I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
