Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
