My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
