Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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