i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize