What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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