sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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