i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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