hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
