Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
