it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
