You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
