dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
pray to the hookup gods
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
