some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
