Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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