After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize