So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize