You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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