So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
