You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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