I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
