I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
