cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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