i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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