sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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