***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
