Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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