i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
