Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
