I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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