i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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