I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
