His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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