Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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