I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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