Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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