So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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