We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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