Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
