I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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