That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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