im drinking this country out of the recession.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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