dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
