dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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