JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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