dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
