I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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