You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
