so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
